I'm not their hero but that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave.

Standing where I am now, standing up at all
I was used to feeling like I was never gonna see myself at the finish line
Hanging on to parts of me, hanging on at all
I was used to seeing no future in my sight line

Sometimes it feels like they wanna remind me
Send all those villains after me

I'm not their hero
But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave
I never walked the party line
Doesn't mean that I was never afraid
I'm not your hero
But that doesn't mean we're not one and the same

Feeling like I am now lighting up the hall
I was used to standing in the shadow of a damaged heart
Learning all I know now, losing all I did
I never used to feel like I'd be standing so far ahead

Sometimes it feels what I recovered you lost
Sending your peaceful loss to me

I'm not their hero
But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave
I never walked the party line
Doesn't mean that I was never afraid
I'm not your hero
But that doesn't mean we're not one and the same

Sometimes it feels like the side that I'm on
Plays the toughest hand, holds the longest stand
Sometimes it feels like I'm all that they've got
It's so hard to know I'm not what they want

Sometimes it feels like the side that I'm on
Plays the toughest hand, holds the longest stand
Sometimes it feels like I'm all that they've got
It's so hard to know I'm not what they want

I'm not their hero
But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave
I never walked the party line
Doesn't mean that I was never afraid
I'm not your hero
But that doesn't mean we're not one and the same
I do my best to walk the finest line
Till I've had all that I can take

Goodbye, goodbye.

Goodbye, goodbye.

Like the first time.

But, tour actually is what has saved me.

I should have known that once the M-bomb was dropped on Warped Roadies, everyone and their mother would start contacting me.

Two weeks ago, on Warped Roadies, Danny Bateman revealed what he was before joining Warped Tour….. a Mormon missionary.  Danny served three months of his mission before returning home and almost immediately going out on Warped Tour.  You can watch the full episode here.  My first thought was, “dang, there goes my title of only Mormon in the music industry”.  My second thought was, “I hope this isn’t the episode my visiting teacher watches.”

I’m not Molly Mormon by any means.  I have tattoos and piercings.  I’d vote for Obama again if I could.  The thought of trading in my career (at this point in my life) for a spouse and little ones makes me want to vomit.  And let’s honest, I’d rather spend my Sunday morning feeding and talking about life/grace/rainbows to my homeless friends in Bienville Square instead of sitting in sacrament meeting.  And if we’re being completely honest, often times I do…. but that’s a completely different blog for another day.

BUT.

I do believe in the gospel.  And because of that, I live my life a certain way.  On tour and off tour. 

These next few statements will probably solidify me never being invited to the MTC (and I’m okay with that).  We’re being honest, right?  Something Danny said really resonated with me: It was a hard transition for me but tour actually is what has saved me.  I spent a lot of time hating myself.  Mostly because of things that “the church” told me.  Most of you know my struggles with depression, addiction, etc.  (By the way, celebrating three years clean in nine days, woot woot!)  It was until I attended Warped Tour for the first time that I finally believed in anything.  I was thirteen years old.  Almost eleven years later, here I am living the dream with Band Aid Records and Open Our Eyes. 

This is the good life.