Challenge Accepted (Sample Chapter)

Here's a sample of the new story I'm working on.  You can purchase my last one, If You Go, I Go, for Kindle here.  If you purchase it, please let me know your thoughts by leaving a review.  Also, all of the sales from this story go directly to Open Our Eyes' recovery efforts.

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I’m something not everyone knows how to love.  But, she does.  She accepted that challenge.  I wake up in the middle of the night and roll over.  She’s still there.  She’s always there.  I position half of my body on top of her in a way that doesn't cause her to wake.  We lay heartbeat to heartbeat.  Every time she inhales, it pulls my heart closer into hers.  She is the roots that keep me grounded into this place. 

She is home to me.

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I did an interview last week about If You Go, I Go.  I was asked why the story was so tragic.  My response?  Because that's life.  Things can be extremely good, as shown through Allyson and Conor falling in love.  But things can also be extremely bad.  Life has both, which is why this story shows both.  I'm not a pessimist as many people have pegged me mainly because of this story.  The new short story title, Challenge Accepted, actually started as a joke because my mum suggested that I was incapable of writing a happy love story.  I think I have a different concept of happy than most people.  Authenticity makes me happy.  Challenge Accepted is an authentic love story... interpret that however you'd like.

But, tour actually is what has saved me.

I should have known that once the M-bomb was dropped on Warped Roadies, everyone and their mother would start contacting me.

Two weeks ago, on Warped Roadies, Danny Bateman revealed what he was before joining Warped Tour….. a Mormon missionary.  Danny served three months of his mission before returning home and almost immediately going out on Warped Tour.  You can watch the full episode here.  My first thought was, “dang, there goes my title of only Mormon in the music industry”.  My second thought was, “I hope this isn’t the episode my visiting teacher watches.”

I’m not Molly Mormon by any means.  I have tattoos and piercings.  I’d vote for Obama again if I could.  The thought of trading in my career (at this point in my life) for a spouse and little ones makes me want to vomit.  And let’s honest, I’d rather spend my Sunday morning feeding and talking about life/grace/rainbows to my homeless friends in Bienville Square instead of sitting in sacrament meeting.  And if we’re being completely honest, often times I do…. but that’s a completely different blog for another day.

BUT.

I do believe in the gospel.  And because of that, I live my life a certain way.  On tour and off tour. 

These next few statements will probably solidify me never being invited to the MTC (and I’m okay with that).  We’re being honest, right?  Something Danny said really resonated with me: It was a hard transition for me but tour actually is what has saved me.  I spent a lot of time hating myself.  Mostly because of things that “the church” told me.  Most of you know my struggles with depression, addiction, etc.  (By the way, celebrating three years clean in nine days, woot woot!)  It was until I attended Warped Tour for the first time that I finally believed in anything.  I was thirteen years old.  Almost eleven years later, here I am living the dream with Band Aid Records and Open Our Eyes. 

This is the good life. 

Currently

I borrowed this idea from Leney.

I've been wearing this headband a lot.  Regardless of the fact that it makes me look 12 years old.  I've also been wearing a lot of colored skinny's.  This is what else I'm currently up to...

Slacking:  I have two websites I'm supposed to be setting up for two different projects and I'm just so exhausted and lacking in any motivation.  I'm really need to get my workaholic mojo back.

Reading:  I just bought Torn by Justin Lee today after a very strong recommendation from a friend.  I'm also still reading Rachel Evans' A Year of Biblical Womanhood.  I also really want to read A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown soon.

Planning:  Bubs is moving here in nine-ish days.  Planning so many adventures.  Also, my birthday shindig next month... still no definite idea what I'm doing.  But, it's my last year before turning a quarter of a century and I believe that calls for a celebration.

Eating:  I finally had Shakeology today.  Yuck.  But, I'm going to stick with it.  P90X is going really well and I just need to get my diet to match.

Feeling:  Overwhelmed.  There are a lot of changes happening in my life right now and as soon as I tackle one, it seems that 2098753 others pop up.  I'm also having a really hard time getting caught up on Band Aid Records and Open Our Eyes.  Ready for a mini vacay next month.

Listening:  I made this super cutesy mix for this super cutesy boy.  You can listen to it on Spotify.  Other than that, I've been listening to a lot of Cal Scruby.  A lot, a lot, a lot.  

Learning:  God is really teaching me patience and better etiquette when it comes to my speech.  I'll blog more on this soon.

What are you currently up to?

Maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year.

So this is the new year and I don't feel any different.  The clanking of crystal, explosions off in the distance.   So this is the new year and I have no resolutions for self assigned penance, for problems with easy solutions. - Death Cab For Cutie

I don't make new year resolutions because I think they're silly.  I don't need a specific date to make decisions to better my life.

But, I do want to reflect on 2012...

I cleared so much toxicity from my life, mostly in the form of friends.  I thought I would be really upset by it and it was lonely for a little while but I can honestly say, I've never felt better.  I've spent too much time holding on to certain people and didn't realize how negatively it was affecting me until I let them go.  Don't ever ever ever let someone dim your light simply because it's shining in their eyes.

I learned how much of myself I'm willing to sacrifice for a relationship: NONE.

This year I really learned to fight for myself and what I believe in even if it alienates people.  This coming year I will work on softening my delivery a bit.  ;)  But it's so empowering to finally say, hey ya know what, this is what's right and I'm going to fight for it even if it puts a wedge in our friendship.

On that same note somewhat, I've become really comfortable in my religious beliefs. I took this year to really focus on God and I've prayed more than I've ever prayed before.  And I've really been focusing on listening to Him and actually allowing Him to guide my steps.  It hasn't been easy but I've been blessed SO much this year because of this decision.

Social media played a huge role in saving my life this year.  Crazy, right?  Through Twitter this year, I discovered So Worth Loving and POTSC.  And because of that I met five beautiful women: Eryn, Erin, Ashley, Melissa, and Sade who have taught me that I have so much soul inside my shattered heart.  Every Tuesday night, I reminded of how beautiful their spirits are and I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude.  

Also, there's Ileana.  You know how your mama always told you not to talk to strangers on the Internet?  Well, ignore her.  Do it, anyway.  You will meet your best friends.  Haha.  Ileana and I had the same group of blogging friends and started casually talking via Twitter.  A few months later, she moves an hour away from me and we decide to meet up for smoothies and the beginning of a very long friendship. :)  Since then I have grown to love everything about this lady.  She has taught me so much about grace and empowerment and beauty and love.

Please know that just because I haven't named you doesn't mean you haven't made an impact on my life this year. 

On to 2013...

Band Aid Records is relaunching in a few weeks.  Building a stronger team for Open Our Eyes because we have two major projects we're hoping to have launched by the end of the year.  I have a new project that I'm working on with one of my oldest friends that's launching in two weeks.  Clothing and accessories line is still happening.

I applied for something very very dear to my heart.  I don't want to say too much until everything is in place, which should be within the next week.  I will say it involves India.  :)  My heart is so overjoyed about the possibility of serving there!

I'm going back to school.  Inshallah.  Spending a lot of time with my family.  Stepping out of my bubble and making new friends.

I hope it's true what they say about the way you bring in the new year is how you spend the rest of the year because I'll be at a show with the most talented musicians I know.

Happy New Year, y'all.  xo

Life happens while you're busy making other plans.

It's a bit nippy outside these days.  I've been wearing a lot of hoodies under jean jackets, drinking a lot of hot tea and climbing a lot of trees...

Snazzy new blog design thanks to the lovely Kaelah.
What do you think?

I've been waking up every morning for Fajr.  I can't even begin to put into words how greatly my life has been enriched by starting my day off this way.  I read on Twitter that for 12 or 13 centuries, people prayed Fajr without an alarm clock because they had an internal clock that told them prayer was better than sleep.  How wonderful would it be if we all had that same mindset today?

One of my best friends is moving back and I couldn't be happier.  I've made some major friend changes in the last month; cut a lot of people out that shouldn't have been there in the first place.  Feels good to cleanse negative energy from my life.

I'm on the brink of something really amazing with Open Our Eyes and Band Aid Records.  I'm working 80+ hours every week and I've turned into a zombie but I'm so excited to implement all of these changes.  Clothing line is still underway too.  I'm also working on a really neat project for the L and B community which I can't say too much about until February.  2013 is going to be such an incredible year business-wise.  Follow your dreams or you'll spend the rest of your life working for someone who did.

Doo da doo, life is goooood.

It's not goodbye.. it's see ya later.

No one believed in Band Aid Records when I first started it.  No one.  Nooooo one.  Everyone thought I was insane when I even suggested the idea.  I was already working for a 'record company' and I just wasn't happy.  I felt very stagnant.  I wasn't learning anything there (was actually being taken advantage of for the most part) and my soul died a little every time I walked through those doors.

I'd been doing freelance for several bands for years and soaking up everything I could from various mentors.  I really felt I was ready.  I gathered some of the bands I'd been working with and basically said, hey would you actually pay me to do this? and most of them did.  On January 1, 2011 Band Aid Records officially launched.

In the past year and a half, I've met so many incredible people that have taught me so much and given me so many opportunities.  I've gotten to travel.  I've gotten to meet bands I've admired since I was a little girl.  I got to work on the tour that started my love affair with music.  People in the music industry that I've looked up to from afar have become my mentors and even my friends.

But as with all good things, they must come to an end.

WHAT.

Is this real life?

Indeed it is.  Band Aid Records is... well, I'll say shifting gears a bit.  The blog will remain unchanged.  It will actually become the heart of everything.  We will continue to use it to report music news, do interviews, and promote independent artists.  We will still have the Brand Ambassadors; however they will no longer be promoting just our clients, but other independent artists.  (I'll post more on this later.)  I have two really great bands that I will personally continue to work with for a while.

Other than promoting the music I love, the driving force behind Band Aid has been helping young women establish themselves in this industry.  I have three great girls interning right now and I will continue to work with them until the end of their internship on September 1st.. teaching them everything i've learned and finishing up final projects for current clients.  After that point, I'm stepping away.

I'm placing most of my focus now into Open Our Eyes.  I have a few other projects I'm digging into and I can't wait to talk about them soon.  Photography isn't going anywhere either.. I want to see how far I can go with this.  Over the past few months, it's become a lot more than just a hobby.  I also have a really great opportunity at a local church that I'm considering pursuing.

I really feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world.  Most people don't get to live their dreams at all and I got to do it for almost two years.  Thank you to every single person who has had a part in this in any way.

I'm so stoked for the next chapter in my life.

Forty eight hours.

I woke up insanely early yesterday and spent seven solid hours in this spot watching How I Met Your Mother while working.  Starting a new project, getting things together for a new client, catching up on 50+ emails sent throughout the night, getting new interns adjusted... just a typical day.

That night I received a text from my GBF missing our friendship.  He wants me there and I would love to be there but my work and life are here now so I want him here.  The people you need the most moving away is the part of growing up that really never gets easier.  I miss him so much.

I've been journaling so much in the past few days and last night was no exception. Especially after the conversation with the GBF.

3am and I finally fell asleep.. only to wake up less than two hours later for Fajr.

Got all of these Open Our Eyes bracelet orders mailed today.  It was such a humbling feeling to know how many people support the Open Our Eyes community.  So happy to have an amazing team behind me now.

This is how I look after almost forty eight hours of non-stop work. Sexy, right?  The messy hair and glasses are what do it for you, right?  I know, I know.  And to answer the question that is on everyone's mind right now, yes I am available. Please direct all relationship inquiries to my assistant/mother.

It's now 10pm and I'm finally in bed.. only to do more work.  Getting ready for a Band Aid Records meeting via Skype and then working on a project for a potential client.

i find it hard to tell you, i find it hard to take.

the past week has really taken a toll on me emotionally. things i thought i'd moved past all came crashing down. it was a lot to handle.. so i didn't. not handling things is a something i've become very good at over the past few years.

last night i reached my breaking point. and there was no one i could tell. [inset cliche about being surrounded by so many people yet feeling alone here] i'm not looking for a pity party so i spare you details.

after two hours of sleep, i woke up this morning and nothing had changed. in fact, things were starting to get worse. have you ever felt like your brain was literally trying to kill you? it's like you wake up one day afraid you're going to live.

around noon open our eyes received a very generous donation. and then another. and then the support just started to pour in. friends, some i hadn't even spoken to in years, were flooding every social media platform with kind words about the impact open our eyes had on their lives and how they wanted others to experience that. suddenly a financial goal that i never thought was possible was slowly becoming a reality. we still haven't reached our goal.. maybe we will, maybe we won't. it's completely irrelevant to me at this point. knowing that there are so many people out there who believe in this community is more than i could ever ask for. i'm so humbled by the response. and inspired. and encouraged. and every other cliche emotion you can imagine.

in my moment of weakness i forgot to practice what i preach. the lesson is in the struggle not the victory. thank you, open our eyes, for reminding me. thank you for always being my strength. i'm so honored to be a part of this community.