Challenge Accepted (Sample Chapter)

Here's a sample of the new story I'm working on.  You can purchase my last one, If You Go, I Go, for Kindle here.  If you purchase it, please let me know your thoughts by leaving a review.  Also, all of the sales from this story go directly to Open Our Eyes' recovery efforts.

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I’m something not everyone knows how to love.  But, she does.  She accepted that challenge.  I wake up in the middle of the night and roll over.  She’s still there.  She’s always there.  I position half of my body on top of her in a way that doesn't cause her to wake.  We lay heartbeat to heartbeat.  Every time she inhales, it pulls my heart closer into hers.  She is the roots that keep me grounded into this place. 

She is home to me.

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I did an interview last week about If You Go, I Go.  I was asked why the story was so tragic.  My response?  Because that's life.  Things can be extremely good, as shown through Allyson and Conor falling in love.  But things can also be extremely bad.  Life has both, which is why this story shows both.  I'm not a pessimist as many people have pegged me mainly because of this story.  The new short story title, Challenge Accepted, actually started as a joke because my mum suggested that I was incapable of writing a happy love story.  I think I have a different concept of happy than most people.  Authenticity makes me happy.  Challenge Accepted is an authentic love story... interpret that however you'd like.

Two weeks.

"I believe that suffering is part of the narrative, and that nothing really good gets built when everything’s easy." -Shauna Niequist

It's been exactly two weeks and it still hurts like it was yesterday. I lost something. I lost a part of myself. 

I've recently become REALLY obsessed with Vampire Diaries. One of the vampire perks is the ability to erase someone's memory. One of the main vampires, Damon, uses this power to erase the memory of someone who really cared about who was dealing an incredible loss. He didn't think his friend could handle the suffering so he aided him with forgetfulness. Very Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. 

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, especially in the past week. If I could erase this event from my memory, would I? Most days are harder than others, so I'd say yes. But then there are days like today when I come across things like the Niequist quote. 

I say all of that to say this: things happen. Really really awful things happen. It sucks and it's not fair and it's life. And it really does make you stronger. It doesn't happen over night and I'm not saying I'm at that point by any means. But I will be. And I find comfort in that.

And so should you. 

No New Friends?

Everywhere I turn, someone is quoting Drake's No New Friends which is ironic because my new friends are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I've never been happier.

I chopped off my hair.  I've never felt so confident in my own skin before.  I'm OBSESSED with it.  Eventually shaving the sides more.

I'm in love.

More on that topic when I'm ready.

Last month, I celebrated three years of no poison in my veins.

I'm doing everything I always wanted to do, everything you said I couldn't.

And I've never been happier.

I'm not their hero but that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave.

Standing where I am now, standing up at all
I was used to feeling like I was never gonna see myself at the finish line
Hanging on to parts of me, hanging on at all
I was used to seeing no future in my sight line

Sometimes it feels like they wanna remind me
Send all those villains after me

I'm not their hero
But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave
I never walked the party line
Doesn't mean that I was never afraid
I'm not your hero
But that doesn't mean we're not one and the same

Feeling like I am now lighting up the hall
I was used to standing in the shadow of a damaged heart
Learning all I know now, losing all I did
I never used to feel like I'd be standing so far ahead

Sometimes it feels what I recovered you lost
Sending your peaceful loss to me

I'm not their hero
But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave
I never walked the party line
Doesn't mean that I was never afraid
I'm not your hero
But that doesn't mean we're not one and the same

Sometimes it feels like the side that I'm on
Plays the toughest hand, holds the longest stand
Sometimes it feels like I'm all that they've got
It's so hard to know I'm not what they want

Sometimes it feels like the side that I'm on
Plays the toughest hand, holds the longest stand
Sometimes it feels like I'm all that they've got
It's so hard to know I'm not what they want

I'm not their hero
But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave
I never walked the party line
Doesn't mean that I was never afraid
I'm not your hero
But that doesn't mean we're not one and the same
I do my best to walk the finest line
Till I've had all that I can take

Goodbye, goodbye.

Goodbye, goodbye.

Like the first time.

Everything I have is yours.

Today is Tuesday so I know you're expecting a music post.  Not happening, kittens.  Several things have happened over the past few days and it's really been on my heart to blog about them tonight.

Today my car caught on fire.

Yes, on fire.  I was sitting at a redlight and my car just shut off.  I immediately turned on my caution lights and started digging for my phone (to call my mommy, of course) when I started hearing a woman yelling "get out of the car" and blowing her horn.  That's when I saw the smoke.  I've been having a problem with my door the past few weeks (which I was supposedly getting fixed this Friday) so it took me a little bit to actually get out of the car, which made it terrifying.  I'd barely made it away from the car when the flames started.  

So many people stopped to help me.  Complete strangers.  And y'all, I was in the middle of Redneck Central so I was not expecting that at all.  The car is totaled.  I'm really worried about how I'm going to afford to buy a new one in the very near future especially with me having to rent a car, as well, until then.  Why can't money grow on trees?  

I'm really upset about my car but when I think about the fact that I probably shouldn't even be alive it doesn't matter.  I'm so thankful for my life and it reaffirms everything I've been thinking in the past few days which is what the rest of this little bloggity blog is going to be about.

I know I'm a little late but yesterday I finally got around to listening to reading General Conference talks and taking notes.  In Elder Quentin Cook's talk he talked about how immersion in the scriptures is essential for spiritual nourishment.  He said it "inspires commitment and acts as a healing balm for hurt feelings, anger or disillusionment".  He ends with, "it's never too late to make the Savior's Atonement the foundation of our faith and lives".  The next talk is from Ann Dibbs and she said something that really tugged at my heartstrings: "With so many distractions, do we have strength, discipline and commitment to remain focused on what matters most?  Are we as well versed in gospel truths as we are in our studies, careers, hobbies, sports or our texts and tweets?  Do we actively seek to find answers to our questions by feasting on the scriptures and the teachings of the prophets?  Do we seek the confirmation of the Spirit?  The importance of gaining knowledge is an eternal principle... As our gospel knowledge increases, we will begin to feel confident in our testimonies."  

Hmm... notice a pattern?

Scriptures.  Gospel knowledge.

I'm not the worst at reading my scriptures but I'm certainly not the best.  I go through periods where I'm diligently reading daily then others where it's once or twice a week.  I'm really working on becoming more consistent with this.  I want to truly know the Gospel.  As Dibbs also mentioned in her talk, this is only the result of diligent and deliberate effort, which is a process of a lifetime.  But, I'm a firm believer of enduring until the end.  :)  I need friends to keep me accountable to this.

On the topic of friends, I really am working on having more friends that keep me accountable instead of adding more stumbling blocks in my path.  As a result, I've been spending a lot more time at home.  Alone, ha.  Please pray that God places these people in my life soon.

But back to the scriptures...

I woke up from a nap this evening to find a letter from the old pastor of my church. He's been an incredible mentor to me and I can't even begin to put into words how much he has changed my life in the past three years.  His letter further validated everything that I've been praying about over the past few weeks.  Then the letter ended with a note about... you guessed it... scripture.  "God has a plan for your life and reveals it a day at a tine.  The Word will be the best road map because it will teach you to trust, hope and believe."

And just to tie it all together, I sat and reread my notes from church on Sunday.  Pastor Sandy spoke about embracing our talents and using them for ministry.  She mentioned how God's gifts and calls to you are IRREVOCABLE and gives us grace to answer that call.  Our playing small does not serve the world or God.  I've had a calling on my heart for many years which involves teaching of scripture.  I don't want to say too much about it yet, though many of you are already aware and have been telling me the exact same thing for years.  But, Pastor Sandy also mentioned Psalm 139, which states that God has been shaping us for ministry since before we were even born.  (How crazy is that if you really think about it?!)  I feel like reading that was the giant lightning bolt from heaven sign that I've been asking for.

With all that being said, I'm ready to embrace this.  God everything I have is YOURS.  Please break my heart for the things that break yours.  Make me decrease so that you may increase.

Life happens while you're busy making other plans.

It's a bit nippy outside these days.  I've been wearing a lot of hoodies under jean jackets, drinking a lot of hot tea and climbing a lot of trees...

Snazzy new blog design thanks to the lovely Kaelah.
What do you think?

I've been waking up every morning for Fajr.  I can't even begin to put into words how greatly my life has been enriched by starting my day off this way.  I read on Twitter that for 12 or 13 centuries, people prayed Fajr without an alarm clock because they had an internal clock that told them prayer was better than sleep.  How wonderful would it be if we all had that same mindset today?

One of my best friends is moving back and I couldn't be happier.  I've made some major friend changes in the last month; cut a lot of people out that shouldn't have been there in the first place.  Feels good to cleanse negative energy from my life.

I'm on the brink of something really amazing with Open Our Eyes and Band Aid Records.  I'm working 80+ hours every week and I've turned into a zombie but I'm so excited to implement all of these changes.  Clothing line is still underway too.  I'm also working on a really neat project for the L and B community which I can't say too much about until February.  2013 is going to be such an incredible year business-wise.  Follow your dreams or you'll spend the rest of your life working for someone who did.

Doo da doo, life is goooood.

Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

I've been living more intentionally lately.  I've set out to connect with friends (old and new) that contribute nothing but sunshine and sparkles into my life.  I've stopped working my life away which has given me time to explore paths i've ignored before.  I've been investing my life in things that truly make me happy.  And I've stopped apologizing for anything that makes me happy.

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.  Once you learn to be happy, you won't tolerate being around people that make you feel anything less.

nothing is worth it if you aren't happy.

It's not goodbye.. it's see ya later.

No one believed in Band Aid Records when I first started it.  No one.  Nooooo one.  Everyone thought I was insane when I even suggested the idea.  I was already working for a 'record company' and I just wasn't happy.  I felt very stagnant.  I wasn't learning anything there (was actually being taken advantage of for the most part) and my soul died a little every time I walked through those doors.

I'd been doing freelance for several bands for years and soaking up everything I could from various mentors.  I really felt I was ready.  I gathered some of the bands I'd been working with and basically said, hey would you actually pay me to do this? and most of them did.  On January 1, 2011 Band Aid Records officially launched.

In the past year and a half, I've met so many incredible people that have taught me so much and given me so many opportunities.  I've gotten to travel.  I've gotten to meet bands I've admired since I was a little girl.  I got to work on the tour that started my love affair with music.  People in the music industry that I've looked up to from afar have become my mentors and even my friends.

But as with all good things, they must come to an end.

WHAT.

Is this real life?

Indeed it is.  Band Aid Records is... well, I'll say shifting gears a bit.  The blog will remain unchanged.  It will actually become the heart of everything.  We will continue to use it to report music news, do interviews, and promote independent artists.  We will still have the Brand Ambassadors; however they will no longer be promoting just our clients, but other independent artists.  (I'll post more on this later.)  I have two really great bands that I will personally continue to work with for a while.

Other than promoting the music I love, the driving force behind Band Aid has been helping young women establish themselves in this industry.  I have three great girls interning right now and I will continue to work with them until the end of their internship on September 1st.. teaching them everything i've learned and finishing up final projects for current clients.  After that point, I'm stepping away.

I'm placing most of my focus now into Open Our Eyes.  I have a few other projects I'm digging into and I can't wait to talk about them soon.  Photography isn't going anywhere either.. I want to see how far I can go with this.  Over the past few months, it's become a lot more than just a hobby.  I also have a really great opportunity at a local church that I'm considering pursuing.

I really feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world.  Most people don't get to live their dreams at all and I got to do it for almost two years.  Thank you to every single person who has had a part in this in any way.

I'm so stoked for the next chapter in my life.

Forty eight hours.

I woke up insanely early yesterday and spent seven solid hours in this spot watching How I Met Your Mother while working.  Starting a new project, getting things together for a new client, catching up on 50+ emails sent throughout the night, getting new interns adjusted... just a typical day.

That night I received a text from my GBF missing our friendship.  He wants me there and I would love to be there but my work and life are here now so I want him here.  The people you need the most moving away is the part of growing up that really never gets easier.  I miss him so much.

I've been journaling so much in the past few days and last night was no exception. Especially after the conversation with the GBF.

3am and I finally fell asleep.. only to wake up less than two hours later for Fajr.

Got all of these Open Our Eyes bracelet orders mailed today.  It was such a humbling feeling to know how many people support the Open Our Eyes community.  So happy to have an amazing team behind me now.

This is how I look after almost forty eight hours of non-stop work. Sexy, right?  The messy hair and glasses are what do it for you, right?  I know, I know.  And to answer the question that is on everyone's mind right now, yes I am available. Please direct all relationship inquiries to my assistant/mother.

It's now 10pm and I'm finally in bed.. only to do more work.  Getting ready for a Band Aid Records meeting via Skype and then working on a project for a potential client.

i find it hard to tell you, i find it hard to take.

the past week has really taken a toll on me emotionally. things i thought i'd moved past all came crashing down. it was a lot to handle.. so i didn't. not handling things is a something i've become very good at over the past few years.

last night i reached my breaking point. and there was no one i could tell. [inset cliche about being surrounded by so many people yet feeling alone here] i'm not looking for a pity party so i spare you details.

after two hours of sleep, i woke up this morning and nothing had changed. in fact, things were starting to get worse. have you ever felt like your brain was literally trying to kill you? it's like you wake up one day afraid you're going to live.

around noon open our eyes received a very generous donation. and then another. and then the support just started to pour in. friends, some i hadn't even spoken to in years, were flooding every social media platform with kind words about the impact open our eyes had on their lives and how they wanted others to experience that. suddenly a financial goal that i never thought was possible was slowly becoming a reality. we still haven't reached our goal.. maybe we will, maybe we won't. it's completely irrelevant to me at this point. knowing that there are so many people out there who believe in this community is more than i could ever ask for. i'm so humbled by the response. and inspired. and encouraged. and every other cliche emotion you can imagine.

in my moment of weakness i forgot to practice what i preach. the lesson is in the struggle not the victory. thank you, open our eyes, for reminding me. thank you for always being my strength. i'm so honored to be a part of this community.

when i'm sad, i stop being sad and be awesome instead.

every time i make major life changes, i feel the need to change my blog. so here we go again..

some days i cry, but most days i laugh. i'm happy, y'all.. i'm really really happy. it's been quite some time since i could say that and mean it. i'm making new friends. i'm exploring past hobbies. i'm teaching myself to not be so overworked and take a day to myself every week. i'm going back to school in the fall.

one day at a time.