I fell in love. Three years ago.
But there was a HUGE problem.
Now we both have separate lives and lovers. Insignificantly enough, we both have significant others. Only time will tell. Time will turn and tell. - Anberlin
We never crossed that line but I knew in my heart this person was the one I was supposed to be with. This person ended their relationship and I ended mine shortly after. Only to have this person return to theirs mere days later. The next few years were full of that. A lot of back and forth. A lot of actions I'm not proud of. A lot of loneliness. And a lot of hope.
Fast forward to today. Three years later. The timing couldn't be more perfect. It was as if the entire universe got together and finally decided we deserved our dream. We decided to give it a try. Finally.
As you may have already guessed, this isn't a fairy tale. This story doesn't end with us defying odds and being together. In fact it ended terribly. I've spent the past month in a place I never thought I'd return to.
Out of respect for this person, I'm not going into details.
What I will say is...
I love this person tremendously. I've thought I was in love with other people but this has been the only person I was ever completely sure of. I can't just turn off that switch and pretend I don't have these feelings. I think a part of me will always have those feelings. But in the wise wise words of Miss Swift, WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER.
There are several purposes for sharing this story here. One is to put to rest the rumors/speculations floating throughout the social media world. I'm like a little kid at Christmas when it comes to relationships. I want to show EVERYONE my new toy. This gets me in trouble sometimes because when the toy breaks (relationship ends), everyone wants to know every sordid detail since I paraded it in their face up until that point.
Another purpose of sharing this here is to defend atypical relationships. One thing I learned from Big/Carrie and Whitney/Sara is to let NO ONE define your love but you. Just because your love doesn't look like someone else's doesn't mean it isn't love. I've spent the past few months... well three years, actually... being told what love is supposed to look like, what a relationship is supposed to look like, what a girlfriend is supposed to do, etc. Don't misunderstand me, this relationship was definitely doomed from the start and a lot of things transpired that were not at all my fault, but my desire to make it something it wasn't certainly played a large role in that demise. YOU know what you want. So what if it's not what everyone else wants? Stop trying to put YOUR relationship in a box.
Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together. But sometimes things just fall apart. And that's okay. Be okay with that. YOU'RE GOING TO BE OKAY. You know what's awesome about your heart breaking? It means you're able to feel which means you're ALIVE. It may mean you have to fight like hell to make it whole again, but YOU'RE ALIVE.
