I just haven't met you yet.

You understand that my career will always be high on my list of priorities. You listen when I complain about how overworked I am even though I say the same thing everyday. You enjoy five hour drives to Atlanta so I can shoot my favorite bands. You never get tired of hearing me say, "this one time on Warped Tour..."

You know it takes me two hours to get ready and you don't complain because you appreciate the final result. ;) You also know I'm always late so you tell me I need to be somewhere an hour before I actually do.

You let me watch Criminal Minds and SVU right before bed even though I will think everyone is trying to kidnap, rape and/or murder me the following day.

Date nights are important. You crave adventure just as much as I do. You solemnly swear that we will never ever ever do dinner and a movie. One day we may even buy a last minute plane ticket across the country... just because umm YOLO?

Also, very important: you never say YOLO. Or own crocs.

Must love cupcakes. And cats. And my cat named Cupcake.

You appreciate my California heart but know that I have a southern soul that craves country music and barefoot blue jean nights.

I want to tell you what I'm thinking each week through mix CD's. When you get to work, I want to have flowers waiting on your desk. I want you to steadily find little love notes from me hiding in all of your things. I want to celebrate monthaversaries.

I want to pray with and for you every night. I want us to study scripture together. I want you to share with me things God has placed on your heart. I want us to grow together spiritually.

I want to love you. With everything I have. I know you're out there. And you're waiting for me. I just haven't met you yet.

You'll always take Capeside with you.

My relationship life was based on two television shows growing up: One Tree Hill and Dawson's Creek.  On the latter of the two, I was the girl-next-door Joey Potter who spent more of her adolescence trying to convince her best friend to love her.

Unlike Joey and Dawson, we never gave it a legitimate try.  My Dawson always found reasons not to.  I was good enough to be his best friend with "girlfriend benefits" but never good enough for that actual title and the commitment that comes with it.  Between relationships, we'd always find ourselves at the same crossroad.  I'd always want to take that leap of faith and he would claim to have the same desires only to change his mind in the end.  Looking back on it now, why would he make that relationship leap?  He had the best of both worlds: me there whenever he needed me and still the freedom to do as he pleased with whoever he pleased.  Just as Dawson did throughout many seasons, he took advantage of the fact that Joey would always be there.

After ten years of things never changing, I gave up last month.  Under normal circumstances, I'm a very strong advocate of always fighting for the things you want, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.  But I think maturity is knowing when to separate the things you want from the things you need.  After severing all ties with my real life Dawson Leery, I received a text yesterday of him wanting to give us a real try.  I've thought about it non-stop since then.  Actually, I think obsessed over it would be a better description.  I waited ten years for this and now he's finally saying it.

Nope... not a chance.

You know how this story ends?  Joey ends up with Pacey because Dawson waited ten years to finally give a damn.

I go back to July all the time.

People change. feelings change.  It doesn't mean that the love that was once shared wasn't true and real.  It simply just means that sometimes when people grow, they grow apart.

thank you for everything you taught me.
you couldn't have loved me better.

Sometimes following your own heart means breaking someone else's.

A failed relationship isn't the end of your story; it's just the end of a chapter. your happy ending is still on the way. - cory copeland

After eight months of trying to figure out if we would work out and then finally deciding to take that official leap, the boy and I called it quits two weeks ago.  I've been mute on the entire situation for the sake of everyone involved but as my other (worse?) half said here, I can't not write about it.  I know many Christian girls have probably found themselves in this same situation and I hope this helps somewhat.

This is incredibly important to me.  I thought it wasn't.. or I tried to pretend that it wasn't, at least.  I've heard the verse about being "unequally yoked" so many times throughout my life that it's become a cliche but the older I get, the more I realize how accurate it is.  If God is the center of your life, it's impossible to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't share that belief.

I feel like so many people in my life, especially girls, are sacrificing something incredibly important simply for the sake of being in a relationship.  Whatever it is - faith, desire for marriage, lifestyle, sexuality, WHATEVER, don't compromise what's in your heart for the sake of winning someone else's.  Relationships are about give/take on both ends but there's only so much you can give before you lose yourself and ultimately lose your relationship, anyway.

This isn't a bash the boy blog in the least bit.  He is such an incredible person and we're working on continuing being friends.  To throw another cliche in there, I sincerely wish nothing but the best for him.  We simply weren't meant to be more than friends because of our faith differences.  It's something we knew could be a problem which is why we spent so long weighing the odds.  I liked him so much that I thought I could eventually get over the fact that something as major as faith would be missing from our relationship.  I remember sitting in church two weeks ago and thinking how I'd never get to share that with him.  That's not something I want in a significant other.  Yes, it's important that we can go out together and have a great time and share the same passions, such as music.  But it's also important that we pray together.  I want God to be the center of any relationship I have.

So, here I am... single again.  I feel like I say that phrase quite a bit and you know what?  That's okay.  So many people give up after so many failed relationships but I'm such a Charlotte York at heart.  This is just the end of one chapter.

We'd marry a tree as long as it served a mission.

There are endless chances in Provo.  If you scare all the guys away, new ones get off their mission everyday.

i keep thinking you just don't know.

i know you've been hurt by someone else. i can tell by the way you carry yourself. if you let me, here's what i'll do: i'll take care of you.

can't deny that i want you, but i'll lie if i have to. you don't say you love me to your friends when they ask you even though we both know that you do.

this is not about you.

i want more than tolerance.

i have never known anyone who just believed that i was enough. i've mentioned this countless times before in my previous blog, but i always feel that people fall in love with my potential.. and not just me as i really am.

i'm over-analyzing everything tonight.

this is not about you.

i just wanna be with you all the time.

i asked how you were doing. but what i meant to say was i miss you. and i love you. and i want you to come home.

i want to fall asleep next to you. i want to feel you. i want to hug you. i want to smile with you. i want to laugh at you. i want to take our dog for a walk. i want to walk on the beach at night. i want to feel safe. i want to tell you everything.

but, i don't want to be in a relationship with you. i just want to be with you all the time. and i can't do that to you. again. so every time we talk, i'll just ask how you're doing.

this is not about you.