Yes, I'm still a Mormon.

I've been wanting to write this blog for quite some time now but have put it off because contrary to popular opinion, I do not like controversy.  Especially when it comes to matters of the heart like faith and religion.  However, tonight I had a really long talk with my Father and He laid a lot of things on my heart that needed to be poured into this blog.  I welcome open and honest conversation but please tread lightly.  This blog is not meant to negatively represent any group of people.  It's about my experience and my experience alone.  It's also important to note that I'm changing/growing/learning every single day.  The things I believe today are not the things I believed yesterday and not the things I will believe next week, probably.  That's the awesome thing about having a relationship with God - He (or She or whatever you want to call it) challenges you to open your eyes and explore different possibilities daily.  

Before you continue reading, I encourage you to take a deep breath.  Open your heart.  Remember grace and all of those other Christian buzzwords we often throw around in services but tend to completely disregard them when having real conversations, particularly in the blogosphere.  

++++++++++++

I identify as Mormon.  I also identify as queer.  My home is and always will be in the MCC Church.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Now, let me explain...

Church, to me, is more about community and less about doctrine.  (I know that statement is going to ruffle a lot of feathers, so again I ask you, tread lightly.)  Church is like a spiritual hospital where sick people (like all of us humans) can go to receive help.  That help is found through grace and grace alone.  This healing, I've only found in the MCC church, particularly Cornerstone.

I believe in the restoration of the Gospel but more importantly, I believe in inclusive love and intentional outreach to marginalized members of society.  Ya know, actually being the hands and feet of Christ.  I'm also really drawn to passionate worship.  This is what brought me to Cornerstone almost four years ago.  And this is what will keep me there forever.

The loveliest thing about MCC is that we are not encourage to abandon our previous practices/beliefs (as long as they're in line with the gospel, of course) but to also understand that just because it works for us, doesn't mean it works for everyone else.  It's important to find that balance.  I still read my scriptures (including D&C, which are my favorites) daily, follow the Institute lessons, countdown the days until conference, subscribe to Ensign, fast on the first Sunday and my CTR ring will not leave my finger until its replaced with a wedding band.  But most importantly, twice a week I get to walk into the sanctuary holding the hand of the woman I love if I choose, and worship God in communion with people I can truly see His face in.  There aren't any hoops I have to jump through to eat at His table each Sunday.  My sexual organs do not limit me from serving in leadership roles.  

I know many people say this about their church but I believe Cornerstone is exactly what Christ had in mind when he stated to Peter that upon this rock, He'd build his Church.

I see people like Joanna and Natalie and it gives me hope for the future of the Mormon church.  It's still a major part of my identity but it's nowhere I'll ever call home again.  However I'm still thankful for people like these two ladies who are really empowering to those who have chosen to stick it out with the church in hopes of change.  And I do believe that change is coming.  God reveals things to people when they're ready.  His timing is always perfect.  We just have to trust that.

Good Vibes For Alexa

Alexa Rose Carlin is 21 years old and was recently diagnosed with Pneumonia and Sepsis (an infection in her blood).  She is in a medically-induced coma breathing through a ventilator at Shands Hospital in Gainesville, Florida.

I met Alexa through her organization, Hello Perfect.  She has such an incredible soul and so much more good to do in the world. She believes in the power of the Universe and when enough people come together for one cause, miracles happen.

Her sister and best friend have created a Facebook Page where you can post anything positive to contribute to her healing.  Let us be her miracle.  Together we can help heal her.  Prayer, good vibes, whatever you want to call it - let's just do it together.

Life happens while you're busy making other plans.

It's a bit nippy outside these days.  I've been wearing a lot of hoodies under jean jackets, drinking a lot of hot tea and climbing a lot of trees...

Snazzy new blog design thanks to the lovely Kaelah.
What do you think?

I've been waking up every morning for Fajr.  I can't even begin to put into words how greatly my life has been enriched by starting my day off this way.  I read on Twitter that for 12 or 13 centuries, people prayed Fajr without an alarm clock because they had an internal clock that told them prayer was better than sleep.  How wonderful would it be if we all had that same mindset today?

One of my best friends is moving back and I couldn't be happier.  I've made some major friend changes in the last month; cut a lot of people out that shouldn't have been there in the first place.  Feels good to cleanse negative energy from my life.

I'm on the brink of something really amazing with Open Our Eyes and Band Aid Records.  I'm working 80+ hours every week and I've turned into a zombie but I'm so excited to implement all of these changes.  Clothing line is still underway too.  I'm also working on a really neat project for the L and B community which I can't say too much about until February.  2013 is going to be such an incredible year business-wise.  Follow your dreams or you'll spend the rest of your life working for someone who did.

Doo da doo, life is goooood.

Sometimes following your own heart means breaking someone else's.

A failed relationship isn't the end of your story; it's just the end of a chapter. your happy ending is still on the way. - cory copeland

After eight months of trying to figure out if we would work out and then finally deciding to take that official leap, the boy and I called it quits two weeks ago.  I've been mute on the entire situation for the sake of everyone involved but as my other (worse?) half said here, I can't not write about it.  I know many Christian girls have probably found themselves in this same situation and I hope this helps somewhat.

This is incredibly important to me.  I thought it wasn't.. or I tried to pretend that it wasn't, at least.  I've heard the verse about being "unequally yoked" so many times throughout my life that it's become a cliche but the older I get, the more I realize how accurate it is.  If God is the center of your life, it's impossible to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't share that belief.

I feel like so many people in my life, especially girls, are sacrificing something incredibly important simply for the sake of being in a relationship.  Whatever it is - faith, desire for marriage, lifestyle, sexuality, WHATEVER, don't compromise what's in your heart for the sake of winning someone else's.  Relationships are about give/take on both ends but there's only so much you can give before you lose yourself and ultimately lose your relationship, anyway.

This isn't a bash the boy blog in the least bit.  He is such an incredible person and we're working on continuing being friends.  To throw another cliche in there, I sincerely wish nothing but the best for him.  We simply weren't meant to be more than friends because of our faith differences.  It's something we knew could be a problem which is why we spent so long weighing the odds.  I liked him so much that I thought I could eventually get over the fact that something as major as faith would be missing from our relationship.  I remember sitting in church two weeks ago and thinking how I'd never get to share that with him.  That's not something I want in a significant other.  Yes, it's important that we can go out together and have a great time and share the same passions, such as music.  But it's also important that we pray together.  I want God to be the center of any relationship I have.

So, here I am... single again.  I feel like I say that phrase quite a bit and you know what?  That's okay.  So many people give up after so many failed relationships but I'm such a Charlotte York at heart.  This is just the end of one chapter.