Tuesday Tunes: Pursuit of Happiness (Lissie)

Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit
Feelin’ lit, feelin’ light, 2 AM summer night.
I don't care, hand on the wheel, driving drunk, I'm doin’ my thing
Rollin the Midwest side and out livin’ my life getting’ out dreams
People told me slow my roll I'm screaming out fuck that
Imma do just what I want lookin’ ahead no turnin’ back
If I fall if I die know I lived it to the fullest
If I fall if I die know I lived and missed some bullets

[2x]
I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold, hey
I'll be fine once I get it, yeah
I'll be good.

Tell me what you know about dreamin’ dreamin’
You don't really know about nothin’ nothin’
Tell me what you know about them night terrors every night
5 AM, cold sweats wakin’ up to the sky
Tell me what you know about dreams, dreams
Tell me what you know about night terrors, nothin’
You don't really care about the trials of tomorrow
Rather lay awake in a bed full of sorrow

[2x]
I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold, hey
I'll be fine once I get it, yeah
I'll be good.

I'm on the pursuit of happiness.
I know everything that shine ain't always gold.
I'll be fine once I get it.
I'll be good.

[2x]
I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold, hey
I'll be fine once I get it, yeah
I'll be good

Pursuit of happiness, yeah
I don’t get it, I’ll be good

Tuesday Tunes: Make You Feel My Love

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace,
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there's no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years,
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry,
I'd go black and blue,
And I'd go crawling down the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do,
To make you feel my love

Ooh,
Mmm

Oh, the storms are raging on the rolling sea,
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy,
Make your dreams come true,
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

Tuesday Tunes: One Minute - Krewella

Stay here, see me come undone

Just free my soul and turn me on

Lay me down and stop the time

So long now leave the world behind

We got one minute you know there's no other

It's too late, we're in it, you're blowin' my cover

Take me to heaven and back in a second

Light up this fire before you come rushin'

We got one minute you know there's no other

It's too late, we're in it, you're blowin' my cover

Take me to heaven and back in a second

Light up this fire before you come rushin' (rushin', rushin', rushin'...)

S-s-stop the time

So long now leave the world behind

Got me on the rise, got me got me on the up and up

When I thrash and cry, baby you ain't goin' rough enough

I'm your kitty girl and your back is like my scratchin' post

C'mon make me scream like I like I like I seen a ghost

Drink up, I'm soaked

I'm like the dopest dope you ever smoked

These feelings you evoke I only need one minute till I got you in a stroke

Stay here, see me come undone

Just free my soul and turn me on

Lay me down and stop the time

So long I'll leave the world behind

We got one minute you know there's no other

It's too late, we're in it, you're blowin' my cover

Take me to heaven and back in a second

Light up this fire before you come rushin'

We got one minute you know there's no other

It's too late, we're in it, you're blowin' my cover

Take me to heaven and back in a second

Light up this fire before you come rushin' (rushin', rushin', rushin'...)

S-s-stop the time

So long now leave the world behind

Look into my eyes say you never going to give it up

Try to get my prize it ain't yours until I get enough

Boy I got you sprung you're like when it rains it really pours

Know my body rocks what cha what cha waiting for?

Drink up, I'm soaked

I'm like the dopest dope you ever smoked

These feelings you evoke I only need one minute till I got you in a stroke

Ohh oh oh oh oh ohh oh oh oh oh

We got one minute you know there's no other

It's too late, we're in it, you're blowin' my cover

Take me to heaven and back in a second

Light up this fire before you come rushin'

We got one minute you know there's no other

It's too late, we're in it, you're blowin' my cover

Take me to heaven and back in a second

Light up this fire before you come rushin' (rushin', rushin', rushin'...)

Tuesday Tunes: The Monster - Eminem & Rihanna

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy

Tuesday Tunes: Skinny Love (Birdy Cover)

Come on skinny love just last the year,

Pour a little salt you were never here,

My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer.

Tell my love to wreck it all,

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall,

My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...

Right in the moment this order's tall.

And I told you to be patient,

And I told you to be fine,

And I told you to be balanced,

And I told you to be kind,

And in the morning I'll be with you,

But it will be a different kind,

'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets,

And you'll be owning all the fines.

Come on skinny love, what happened here?

Suckle on the hope in light brassieres,

My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...

Sullen load is full, so slow on the split.

And I told you to be patient,

And I told you to be fine,

And I told you to be balanced,

And I told you to be kind,

And now all your love is wasted,

Then who the hell was I?

'Cause now I'm breaking at the britches,

And at the end of all your lies.

Who will love you?

Who will fight?

And who will fall far behind?

Come on skinny love,

My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...

My my my, my my my, my-my my-my.

A Collection of Heart Ramblings

"The best way to get over a girl is to turn her into literature." - 500 Days of Summer

Konstantine is a two part series about my greatest love. Part one, Challenge Accepted, is about the beginning. It's new and refreshing and painfully beautiful.  

Part two is about the end. Because that's what love does. 

It begins and then it ends. 

You can purchase part one here for only $5. No matter if you love or hate it, I'd like to know your thoughts so please leave me a review on Amazon. Part two will be available next month. Both will be available in print in December. Hopefully. 

I'm incredibly thankful for my friends (especially you, Daniel) who have really pushed me to publish my writing. I've always been so terrified of people reading my words then a few years ago I started blogging but I never thought I'd venture outside of that and publish things more intimate. But I'm really glad I did because the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. 

In case you missed it, I published my first short story, "If You Go, I Go" back in June. You can purchase it here. 

It's also featured in the summer issue of Wilde Magazine. 

Once Upon A Temple

I'd planned on visiting the temple at some point while I was here and on the way to the store today, I stumbled upon it.  I'm a firm believer in signs so I turned around and went inside the gates.  We don't have a temple where I live so this was my first time seeing one outside of pictures.

So many feelings.  I'll blog about the experience as soon as I'm done processing it.

And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions.

- Luke 2:46

Forgive and Forget?

I forgive her.  And I want to move past this.

But, I'll never forget that she wasn't there when I needed her the most.  My walls are so high now that no one can ever get over them again.

"You hurt me deeply..."

Tuesday Tunes: Wrecking Ball

We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain
We jumped, never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell
A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah you, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky
And now, you're not coming down
It slowly turned, you let me burn
And now, we're ashes on the ground

Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can't live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crouching in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah you, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
And instead of using force
I guess I should've let you win
I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
I guess I should've let you win

Don't you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me
I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crouching in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah you, you wreck me
Yeah you, you wreck me

Challenge Accepted: Heart Ramblings

Over the past several months, I've accumulated quite a few writings on love.  On September 19th, those words are being released in a book.

It isn't about one girl in particular, but rather all of the girls I've ever given my heart to.  It was really hard putting this together but now that it's completed, I look back on these writings fondly.  The feelings on these pages no longer apply to the people they were written for but I still have those feelings and one day I'll be able to share them with someone.  Just not now.  And not any time soon.  

I'm not the same scared little girl who wrote these words.  I lost myself in the quest to find my soulmate and I'm finally getting on track again.  This book is a reminder of how strongly I'm capable of loving but also a warning for me to not drown myself in loving someone else again.

Random Fact: September 19th marks four months of something incredible happening in my love life.  19 times 4 is 76, which is how many pages this book has.

L'Shannah Tovah!

Tuesday Tunes: Hold On We're Going Home

I got my eyes on you

You're everything that I see

I want your hot love and emotion

Endlessly, I can't get over you

You left your mark on me

I want your hot love and emotion endlessly

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

You act so different around me

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

I know exactly who you could be

Just hold on we're going home

Just hold on we're going home

It's hard to do these things alone

Just hold on we're going home

I got my eyes on you

You're everything that I see

I want your hot love and emotion

Endlessly, I can't get over you

You left your mark on me

I want your hot love and emotion endlessly

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

You act so different around me

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

I know exactly who you could be

Just hold on we're going home

Just hold on we're going home

It's hard to do these things alone

Just hold on we're going home

You're the girl

You're the one

Gave you everything I love

I think there's something, baby

I think there's something, baby

You're the girl

You're the one

Gave you everything I love

I think there's something, baby

I think there's something, baby

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

You act so different around me

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

I know exactly who you could be

Just hold on we're going home

Just hold on we're going home

It's hard to do these things alone

Just hold on we're going home

I promise I won't let go.

Because what are the chances of finding someone... who can finish your sentences, who will let you cut in line, who knows not to just lend a hand or an ear when you need them to give you their spine, who is woman enough to be best man at your wedding, who will keep every secret, save every letter, tell you how you really look, who will remember every single one of your birthdays without checking Facebook?  What are the odds of finding someone who knows your poetry by heart?  ...  

When the fire takes all you have, my home will be your home.  When you are old and no longer remember my face, I will meet you for the first time again and again... They could tell how rare this is.  They could tell you how rare friendship always is.  The chances are slim, the cards are always stacked against you, the odds are always low.  But I've seen the best of you and the worst of you and I choose both.  I want to share every single one of your sunshine and save some for later.  I will tuck them into my pockets so I can give them back to you when the rains fall hard.  Friend.  I want to be the air in your lungs that reminds you to breathe easy.  

When the walls come down, when the thunder rumbles, when nobody else is home, hold my hand and I promise I won't let go.

September Blog Challenge

"And if you're just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work.  Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story.  It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions.  And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I've ever met.  It's gonna take awhile.  It's normal to take awhile.  You'e just gotta fight your way through it." - Ira Glass

With this quote in mind, I'm challenging myself to blog EVERYDAY in September.

Something you want me to write about?  Leave a comment or email me: brittny[at]itsbrittny[dot]com.

From Jenny Schecter to Shane McCutcheon

My entire life has been one serious relationship after another where I was always the one who loved more.  I spent so much of my life waiting to be completed, thinking that I was only a minor character in someone else's tale.

Then one day, I woke up and decided I didn't want to feel that way anymore.  So, I changed.

Just like that.

Those closest to me think that I'm going through some sort of quarter life crisis as the result of a heartbreak and have initiated several interventions.  But hold the calvary, I assure you this is not the case.  This is not a cry for help, this is not an in-between stage until my Princess or Prince Charming comes along.  This is the first well-thought out life change I've ever made.

I'm not a heartless person.  I still care about things and people so much that it hurts sometimes.  It's just not in the romantic/relationship sense.  I have family, which includes my best friends, that I will catch a literal grenade for.  (Okay, maybe not catch the grenade because that's silly, but I would push them out of the way of said grenade.)  And that, is the essence of Shane.  She's a loyal friend with an incredible soul.  She treats the women in her life like the princesses they are, while still being completely honest about her lack of desire for any sort of commitment.  She likes you, but she also likes a lot of other people.  The problems arise through no fault of her own.  It's through the women who are convinced they will be that one girl who can change her.  STOP DOING THAT.  Take this for what it is.

Stop settling.  Stop this never-ending quest for "the one" that will complete you.  YOU COMPLETE YOU.  The girls (or guys for my 10% heterosexual readers) are just there to make the ride more interesting.

Tuesday Tunes: The Civil Wars

The Civil Wars new album is INCREDIBLE!  It's all I've been listening to since the day it was released.  Below are my favorite lyrics from each song...

The One That Got Away

"I miss the way you wanted me when I was staying just out of your reach, begging for the slightest touch.  Ooh, you couldn't get enough."

I Had Me A Girl

"He washed me as clean as a sinner could be."

Same Old Same Old

"‘Cause do I love you?  Oh, I do.  And I'm going to 'til I'm gone.  But if you think that I can stay in this same old, same old, well, I don't."

"I’m gonna name names.  I’m gonna call us out.  I’m gonna say it if you won’t."

Dust to Dust

"Oh, you're acting your thin disguise, all your perfectly delivered lines.  They don't fool me.  You've been lonely too long."

"Let me in the wall you've built around.  We can light a match and burn it down.  Let me hold your hand and dance 'round and 'round the flames in front of us."

"You're like a mirror reflecting me.  Takes one to know one, so take it from me."

Eavesdrop

"I don’t want to talk right now.  I just want your arms wrapped around me in this moment before it runs out."

"I can’t pull you closer than this.  It’s just you and the moon on my skin."

Devil's Backbone

"Oh Lord, Oh Lord, what do I do?  I’ve fallen for someone who’s nothing like you.  He’s raised on the edge of the devil’s backbone."

"There wasn’t a wrong or a right he could choose.  He did what he had to do."

"Give me the burden, give me the blame.  I’ll shoulder the load and I’ll swallow the shame.  Give me the burden, give me the blame.  How many, how many Hail Mary's is it gonna take?  Don’t care if he’s guilty, don’t care if he’s not.  He’s good and he’s bad and he’s all that I’ve got."

From This Valley

"Oh the outcast dreams of acceptance just to find pure love's embrace.  Like an orphan longs for its mother, may you hold me in your grace."

Tell Mama

"Tell Mama all about it.  Tell Mama what you need.  Tell Mama what you want.  And I’ll make everything alright."

Oh, Henry

"Oh the grass is green everywhere but under me.  Or so it seems."

"Got a wedding band in the name of a wandering man.  I love the best I can."

"Oh Henry, I know you wouldn't hurt me.  Don't you know that we don't need one more grave in this town."

"Oh you and I both know that at the end of that forbidden road, there's a six-foot hole."

"When we wed, we said forever ever and a day.  The whole town heard you promise to be true.  So boy, you're gonna only give your gypsy heart to me if it's the last thing you do."

Disarm

"Disarm you with a smile and leave you like they left me here to wither in denial, the bitterness of one who's left alone."

Sacred Heart

Translating this song from English to French could never do it justice.

D'arline

"I could get over you, but please don’t ask me to.  Just so you know, you’ll always be the only one, even when you’re not.  You’ll always be the only one, even when you’re gone."

"You always said you want me to be happy, but happiness was having you here with me.  You’ll always be the one that’s standing in my way.  And that’s okay."

Tuesday Tunes - New Anthems

I'm obsessed with these two songs right now.  They're a pretty accurate descriptions of my outlook on life at the moment...

What The Hell - Avril Lavigne

You say that I'm messin' with your head
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
All 'cause I was making out with your friend
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Love hurts whether it's right or wrong
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I can't stop, 'cause I'm having too much fun
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

You're on your knees, beggin' please "stay with me"
But honestly, I just need to be a little crazy
All my life I've been good but now
Ooohhh
I'm thinking "What the hell?"
All I want is to mess around, and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me
You can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now whoa "What the hell?"

What, What, What, What the hell?

So what if I go out on a million dates?
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
You never call or listen to me anyway
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd rather rage than sit around and wait all day
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Don't get me wrong, I just need some time to play
(Yeah)

You're on your knees, beggin' please "stay with me" (Va fan!)
But honestly, I just need to be a little crazy (Crazy!)

All my life I've been good but now
Ooohhh
I'm thinking "What the hell?"
All I want is to mess around, and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me
You can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now whoa "What the hell?"

La la la la la la la la whoa whoa [x2]

(La la la la la la la la)
You say that I'm messing with your head
Boy, I like messing in your bed
(La la la la la la la la)
Yeah, I am messing with your head
When I'm messing with you in bed

All my life I've been good but now
Ooohhh
I'm thinking "What the hell?"
All I want is to mess around, and I don't really care about
All my life I've been good but now
Ooohhh
I'm thinking "What the hell?"
All I want is to mess around, and I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me
You can't save me, baby, baby
All my life I've been good but now whoa "What the hell?"

La, la,
La la la la la,
La,
La la la la la, la

Thanks For Nothing - Fefe Dobson

The best part of my life since you've been gone 

Is to sing as loud as I want in the car

I’m turnin’ it up without you

It's the best part, it's the best part

Take as long a shower as I want

Take my time to put my make-up on

Live my life without you

It's the best part, it's the best part

You made it easier to let you go (let you go)

You made it to say

Thanks for nothing

Thanks for giving my life back

Thanks for showing me what I don't need

Thank you that's a wrap 

Thanks for leaving

Now I'm gonna cel-O-brate

Cause my nights are free 

And I can be, with anyone I like

Thanks goodbye

The best part of my life since you've been gone 

Is waking up in someone else's arms

And feeling beautiful.

It's the best part, it's the best part

My game is stronger than it's ever been

Turning heads whenever I walk in 

If you could see me now

It's the best part, it's the best part

You made it easier to let you go (let you go)

You made it to say

Thanks for nothing

Thanks for giving my life back

Thanks for showing me what I don't need

Thank you that's a wrap 

Thanks for leaving

Now I'm gonna cel-O-brate

Cause my nights are free 

And I can be, with anyone I like

Thanks goodbye

If you hadn't been so cold

Then I'd never be this hot

And I never felt so good.

I'm just saying thanks a lot

Thanks for giving my life back

Thanks for showing me what I don't need

Thank you that's a wrap

Thanks for leaving

Now I'm gonna cel-O-brate

Cause my nights are free 

And I can be, with anyone I like

Thanks for nothing

Thanks for giving my life back

Thanks for showing me what I don't need

Thank you that's a wrap 

Thanks for leaving

Now I'm gonna cel-O-brate

Cause my nights are free 

And I can be, with anyone I like

Thanks goodbye