Yes, I'm still a Mormon.

I've been wanting to write this blog for quite some time now but have put it off because contrary to popular opinion, I do not like controversy.  Especially when it comes to matters of the heart like faith and religion.  However, tonight I had a really long talk with my Father and He laid a lot of things on my heart that needed to be poured into this blog.  I welcome open and honest conversation but please tread lightly.  This blog is not meant to negatively represent any group of people.  It's about my experience and my experience alone.  It's also important to note that I'm changing/growing/learning every single day.  The things I believe today are not the things I believed yesterday and not the things I will believe next week, probably.  That's the awesome thing about having a relationship with God - He (or She or whatever you want to call it) challenges you to open your eyes and explore different possibilities daily.  

Before you continue reading, I encourage you to take a deep breath.  Open your heart.  Remember grace and all of those other Christian buzzwords we often throw around in services but tend to completely disregard them when having real conversations, particularly in the blogosphere.  

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I identify as Mormon.  I also identify as queer.  My home is and always will be in the MCC Church.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Now, let me explain...

Church, to me, is more about community and less about doctrine.  (I know that statement is going to ruffle a lot of feathers, so again I ask you, tread lightly.)  Church is like a spiritual hospital where sick people (like all of us humans) can go to receive help.  That help is found through grace and grace alone.  This healing, I've only found in the MCC church, particularly Cornerstone.

I believe in the restoration of the Gospel but more importantly, I believe in inclusive love and intentional outreach to marginalized members of society.  Ya know, actually being the hands and feet of Christ.  I'm also really drawn to passionate worship.  This is what brought me to Cornerstone almost four years ago.  And this is what will keep me there forever.

The loveliest thing about MCC is that we are not encourage to abandon our previous practices/beliefs (as long as they're in line with the gospel, of course) but to also understand that just because it works for us, doesn't mean it works for everyone else.  It's important to find that balance.  I still read my scriptures (including D&C, which are my favorites) daily, follow the Institute lessons, countdown the days until conference, subscribe to Ensign, fast on the first Sunday and my CTR ring will not leave my finger until its replaced with a wedding band.  But most importantly, twice a week I get to walk into the sanctuary holding the hand of the woman I love if I choose, and worship God in communion with people I can truly see His face in.  There aren't any hoops I have to jump through to eat at His table each Sunday.  My sexual organs do not limit me from serving in leadership roles.  

I know many people say this about their church but I believe Cornerstone is exactly what Christ had in mind when he stated to Peter that upon this rock, He'd build his Church.

I see people like Joanna and Natalie and it gives me hope for the future of the Mormon church.  It's still a major part of my identity but it's nowhere I'll ever call home again.  However I'm still thankful for people like these two ladies who are really empowering to those who have chosen to stick it out with the church in hopes of change.  And I do believe that change is coming.  God reveals things to people when they're ready.  His timing is always perfect.  We just have to trust that.