People need to believe in TWLOHA.

This was posted on PostSecret this week.  I know this is a really sensitive subject so I'm going to attempt to tread lightly.

This was brought to my attention by a former member of the TWLOHA community on Sunday.  I had so many emotions.  I was partly sad that this happened to someone  and partly comforted in knowing I wasn't alone and partly just frustrated and confused by the entire situation.  I discussed it with other TWLOHA friends but I never had any intention of posting anything publicly until tonight when I read TWLOHA's response.

I'm very disappointed with the way TWLOHA chose to handle this.  I believe it's pretty apparent to everyone that this was sent in about their organization.  They were given the perfect opportunity through their blog to address this in the form of an apology.  There should have been some sort of dialogue where they at least acknowledged that someone (whether warranted or not) felt wronged by their organization.  Instead they chose to protect their image by pretending this was never even about them.

I've vaguely mentioned here before about me no longer supporting TWLOHA but I never went into much detail about what happened.  I'm still not going to do that for several reasons; mainly because I've closed that chapter of my life and don't want to bring up all of those feelings again.  But also because I sincerely want people to still believe in TWLOHA's message.  I know that seems bizarre considering everything I've said in this post, but please continue to hear me out...

TWLOHA saved my life.  Many moons ago, Renee's story made me believe that rescue was possible and gave me the hope I'd so desperately searched for.  Shortly after that I began interning for them and met a wonderful group of girls that became my sisters.  Despite everything that transpired after that, I wouldn't take that experience back for anything.

There are so many people out there that were saved by this story.  There are still so many people out there that need to hear it.  TWLOHA started asking questions that everyone was afraid to tackle.  They have almost single-handedly broken the stigma associated with depression and suicide so that thousands of people are not receiving the help they need.  I, for one, am one of those people.

As this postcard makes evident, I was not the only one hurt by this organization.  I have also personally spoken with a few other people who had similar experiences, as well.  BUT.  Once upon a time, this organization saved my life and for that I am eternally grateful.  

It would be great if some honest conversations can begin to take place between TWLOHA and former staff/interns/whatever.  But, I don't think a public domain is the place for this.  People need to believe in TWLOHA and I never want to take that away from them.

This will (hopefully) be the last thing I ever write about this organization.

Everything I have is yours.

Today is Tuesday so I know you're expecting a music post.  Not happening, kittens.  Several things have happened over the past few days and it's really been on my heart to blog about them tonight.

Today my car caught on fire.

Yes, on fire.  I was sitting at a redlight and my car just shut off.  I immediately turned on my caution lights and started digging for my phone (to call my mommy, of course) when I started hearing a woman yelling "get out of the car" and blowing her horn.  That's when I saw the smoke.  I've been having a problem with my door the past few weeks (which I was supposedly getting fixed this Friday) so it took me a little bit to actually get out of the car, which made it terrifying.  I'd barely made it away from the car when the flames started.  

So many people stopped to help me.  Complete strangers.  And y'all, I was in the middle of Redneck Central so I was not expecting that at all.  The car is totaled.  I'm really worried about how I'm going to afford to buy a new one in the very near future especially with me having to rent a car, as well, until then.  Why can't money grow on trees?  

I'm really upset about my car but when I think about the fact that I probably shouldn't even be alive it doesn't matter.  I'm so thankful for my life and it reaffirms everything I've been thinking in the past few days which is what the rest of this little bloggity blog is going to be about.

I know I'm a little late but yesterday I finally got around to listening to reading General Conference talks and taking notes.  In Elder Quentin Cook's talk he talked about how immersion in the scriptures is essential for spiritual nourishment.  He said it "inspires commitment and acts as a healing balm for hurt feelings, anger or disillusionment".  He ends with, "it's never too late to make the Savior's Atonement the foundation of our faith and lives".  The next talk is from Ann Dibbs and she said something that really tugged at my heartstrings: "With so many distractions, do we have strength, discipline and commitment to remain focused on what matters most?  Are we as well versed in gospel truths as we are in our studies, careers, hobbies, sports or our texts and tweets?  Do we actively seek to find answers to our questions by feasting on the scriptures and the teachings of the prophets?  Do we seek the confirmation of the Spirit?  The importance of gaining knowledge is an eternal principle... As our gospel knowledge increases, we will begin to feel confident in our testimonies."  

Hmm... notice a pattern?

Scriptures.  Gospel knowledge.

I'm not the worst at reading my scriptures but I'm certainly not the best.  I go through periods where I'm diligently reading daily then others where it's once or twice a week.  I'm really working on becoming more consistent with this.  I want to truly know the Gospel.  As Dibbs also mentioned in her talk, this is only the result of diligent and deliberate effort, which is a process of a lifetime.  But, I'm a firm believer of enduring until the end.  :)  I need friends to keep me accountable to this.

On the topic of friends, I really am working on having more friends that keep me accountable instead of adding more stumbling blocks in my path.  As a result, I've been spending a lot more time at home.  Alone, ha.  Please pray that God places these people in my life soon.

But back to the scriptures...

I woke up from a nap this evening to find a letter from the old pastor of my church. He's been an incredible mentor to me and I can't even begin to put into words how much he has changed my life in the past three years.  His letter further validated everything that I've been praying about over the past few weeks.  Then the letter ended with a note about... you guessed it... scripture.  "God has a plan for your life and reveals it a day at a tine.  The Word will be the best road map because it will teach you to trust, hope and believe."

And just to tie it all together, I sat and reread my notes from church on Sunday.  Pastor Sandy spoke about embracing our talents and using them for ministry.  She mentioned how God's gifts and calls to you are IRREVOCABLE and gives us grace to answer that call.  Our playing small does not serve the world or God.  I've had a calling on my heart for many years which involves teaching of scripture.  I don't want to say too much about it yet, though many of you are already aware and have been telling me the exact same thing for years.  But, Pastor Sandy also mentioned Psalm 139, which states that God has been shaping us for ministry since before we were even born.  (How crazy is that if you really think about it?!)  I feel like reading that was the giant lightning bolt from heaven sign that I've been asking for.

With all that being said, I'm ready to embrace this.  God everything I have is YOURS.  Please break my heart for the things that break yours.  Make me decrease so that you may increase.

Welcome to the future.

You hear that?

What's that sound?

Shhhh.... listen....

Sounds a lot like....

FREEDOM.

For the first time in my life I can say I'm proud to be an American. In addition to Obama being re-elected, the Senate elected its first open/out lesbian, first disabled woman and first Asian American woman. In other words, BINDERS FULL OF AWESOME. Four states voted on marriage equality and four states WON. I can't wait for the day when voting on someone else's human rights is seen as completely barbaric but for now I'll take what I can get.

I am very unapologetic about my beliefs and my decision to voice them. Loudly. I will not stop talking about how proud I am to be on the right side of history.

Mysogyny did not win. Homophobia did not win. Classism did not win. Racism did not win. Religious fundamentalism did not win. Bigotry did not win. Men who made light of rape did not win.

Women won. The LGBT community and it's allies won. Racial minorities won. The poor won. The middle class won. The elderly won. Students won. Teachers won. Children of single parents won. The sick won. The international community won.

Love won.

Love wins.

EVERY TIME.

We did it, y'all. We really did it. Celebrate how far hard we've fought and how far we've come. But don't stop! This is only the beginning. There's still work to do. Our freedom begins with the election of the POTUS but it doesn't end there. Please be just as present in politics on social media and in your own community as you've been the past few months. We have to keep fighting and please show up for the next election the way you did with this one. And the next one. And the next one. This country can't undo years and years of wrong overnight. But, Alhumdullilah, we are finally on our way.

Four more years. Four more years. Four more years. Four more years.
As Brad Paisley said, welcome to the future.

Life happens while you're busy making other plans.

It's a bit nippy outside these days.  I've been wearing a lot of hoodies under jean jackets, drinking a lot of hot tea and climbing a lot of trees...

Snazzy new blog design thanks to the lovely Kaelah.
What do you think?

I've been waking up every morning for Fajr.  I can't even begin to put into words how greatly my life has been enriched by starting my day off this way.  I read on Twitter that for 12 or 13 centuries, people prayed Fajr without an alarm clock because they had an internal clock that told them prayer was better than sleep.  How wonderful would it be if we all had that same mindset today?

One of my best friends is moving back and I couldn't be happier.  I've made some major friend changes in the last month; cut a lot of people out that shouldn't have been there in the first place.  Feels good to cleanse negative energy from my life.

I'm on the brink of something really amazing with Open Our Eyes and Band Aid Records.  I'm working 80+ hours every week and I've turned into a zombie but I'm so excited to implement all of these changes.  Clothing line is still underway too.  I'm also working on a really neat project for the L and B community which I can't say too much about until February.  2013 is going to be such an incredible year business-wise.  Follow your dreams or you'll spend the rest of your life working for someone who did.

Doo da doo, life is goooood.